So I'm the Cause...

After spending time with my best friend last week, I finally realized I'm a lovable person just as I am; that I'm not completely ugly; and that my love means something to him. I was determined to keep these things in the front of my mind. It's the first time in my life that I've really understood and believed them.

Then I came home....

When I asked him, my husband tells me I'm the cause of the failure of our marriage because I don't pay enough attention to him, and because of my horrible attitude. I'm told that when I tried so hard for 2 years to be everything he wanted me to be, it came across as condescending. I told him this afternoon that I'm at a loss of how to fix things then and suggested counselling - he wouldn't hear of it. He says if we can't fix ourselves, no one can; that he's not going to go to some idiot therapist and have him tell him everything that's wrong with him. He believes we'll end up being fake around each other because we'd be trying out what the therapist has suggested.

We've had the same conversation about therapy several times over the last few years. I'm starting to get the impression that he really doesn't want to fix things. Perhaps he's too proud to leave me (what would his parents think??), so he's trying to push me into it.

I asked him if he was happy - he said no. I asked him if he wanted to change that - he said yes, but he wasn't sure how. I told him I didn't know how, either, and that's why I had suggested getting help. Again, he told me he wasn't willing to go down that road. So I asked him if there was anything I could do to make him happy - he didn't know. I asked him to think about it and get back to me.

I don't have a clue what do do next. After years of being told I'm not a good wife, is it finally time for me to ask him for a break? And if I did that, would it really resolve anything? When I mentioned it in the past, he told me he would never give me a break - he'd consider it giving up and that would be the end of things. But would it really matter? He hasn't toouched me a years, with the exception of a short hug/kiss now & then...after I asked for it. When I attempt t snuggle on the couch with him, he pulls away and tells me it's too hot, or, his back hurts so he has to sit up straight, etc....